I made the bold move of using a sugar substitute for my coffee, for the first time ever. Con: the diarrhea I suffered later in the evening, which I suspect was caused by it. Pro: As watery shit gushed out of my ass, I was struck by inspiration and began to sing "Here Comes the Sun" by the Beatles, changing the word "sun" to "runs" (and "comes" to "come" to be grammatically correct). A potential new song for the student faculty show? It could explore the differential diagnosis of diarrhea. Oh and another song idea...that old jazzy song, "fever," as in a fever of unknown origin.

I also made the unfortunate decision to stop by Kroger to pick up a quartet of bananas. Within the span of two hours, I devoured three of them, each bite dipped into Nutella. I'm such an addict, ugh. I need help.

Please, please, let Saddam's capture not guarantee the re-election of Bush. Somehow. Please?