The color of this background is so purty. I'm amazed I even figured out how to make the background this color, given my complete lack of familiarity with anything html. Anyway, this color is a slightly yellowed version of my favorite Crayola crayon from childhood, sea green. Whenever my five-year-old self drew pictures of princesses and villainesses, the princesses would always be at least partly colored with that particular crayon to showcase their goodness. I don't remember which crayon was the evil counterpart...burnt sienna perhaps?

Not long ago I saw a movie called Judy Berlin. Before renting it, I had remembered vaguely that it was praised in reviews as a less ironic and more gentle take on suburban life than that of American Beauty. It took several tries for me to get past the first ten minutes of the film (which were incredibly slow...and the black and white photography did not help the soporific effect), but once I did, I fell under its spell. Edie Falco (who I have yet to see in the Sopranos) as Judy Berlin was just so bright that she really lit up this suburban town with its depressed ghostly inhabitants. She was one of those people who draws you towards her, because she is so spontaneous and unaffected and determined to follow her dreams, no matter what anyone else says. One of those people who "takes a licking and keeps on ticking." While I was jolted by her energetic presence, I much more identified with the lethargic and subdued David Gold. He lost faith in his dreams...he still continues to dream, of making a documentary about his hometown and the beauty he sees in it, but lacks the conviction in order to make his dream happen. He's a pessimist, frankly. When he tried to discourage Judy from going to California, attempting to crush her spirit, my heart ached; he was trying to crush her spirit like his own had been crushed. But she would not listen to him, because she knew what she wanted to do, and refused to even acknowledge the possibility of failure. Beyond that, I was eerily touched by David's mom, who was kind of a suburban Blanche Dubois, clearly teetering on the edge of crazy with her frequent cry of "moon explorers" (I also liked the sci fi twilight zone music that accompanied this segment), but with occasional flashes of insight into how unfulfilling and sad her life was, before she disappeared again into fantasy. Judy's mom struck me as one of those manipulative borderline cases (like one of the patients with whom I spent so much time on the psych ward), and provoked immediate revulsion in me, although perhaps she was just another lost soul looking for comfort in her coworker. Anyway, James Berardinelli did a really fantastic job in his review about the central theme of the movie: "Judy Berlin is about the paralyzing power of inertia. With the exception of the title character, everyone in this movie is trapped - and they all know it. They have small moments of rebellion, but they mostly survive to the end of every day by relying on two timeless methods: self-delusion and rigorous adherence to a soul-sapping routine. Sue and Arthur find a moment's respite by confiding in one another, but they lack the innate courage to move further. Alice takes refuge in a fantasy land as a way of ignoring the basic facts of her life - that her son pities her and her husband no longer loves her. Meanwhile David looks on in horror at the people around him and recognizes that he will share their fate. Then there's Judy, who has the energy and courage to get out of Babylon to make a life for herself - if not as a actress, then as something else. Failure brought David back; we sense that the same will not be true of Judy. In a town full of zombies, she is the only animate being, and her glow is like that of a too-bright light bulb in an otherwise dark, murky room."

God, can I relate with the non-Judys. Each time I feel like something (epiphany after epiphany after epiphany) pushes me away from being David to Judy, I seem to fall right back into David. Like a ball trying to roll out of a deep pit, but always falling back into to the nadir. I don't want to be Principal Gold when I'm in my fifties.